9 elite footballers that aged like a fine wine: Totti, Xabi Alonso, Sheringham…

Some footballers are like the little pieces of magnesium you burned in GCSE science. They burn bright and fast, and then they’re dust. Michael Owen was magnesium. Adriano was magnesium.

Some footballers are the opposite, though. Some are sturdy logs that burn for as long as there is oxygen to consume, eternal flames in a room of spent candles.

That’s who we’re interested in today. Footballers who defied the science of cellular degeneration and only got better with age.

We’re going to talk about some of our favourites. No ranking, pitting them against each other — just pure appreciation for the football elders.

For practicality’s sake, we’re not including goalkeepers because they just age differently, like those vampire jellyfish that don’t die. OK, let’s go.

Pepe

The Brazilian-born Portuguese fear merchant is a freak of nature. At 41 years of age, he was still putting in stellar performances in the Champions League knockout rounds, giving it the big’un to the opposition fans. Big scary hero.

Antonio Di Natale

There was a point when we thought Toto Di Natale would just keep getting better and better until he had lasers coming out his eyes and he turned into some sort of Dragon Ball Z Super Saiyan.

He had a 20-year career full of genuinely gorgeous goals, a man who took responsibility for the care of his deceased former Udinese teammate’s sister (who had no other family and lives with disability), and a man whose name roughly means ‘Tony Christmas’ when translated to English.

Just the best.

Kazuyoshi Miura

You all know about King Kazu — 57 years old and still playing professionally. What we find astounding is that, according to Transfermarkt, Miura has made 709 apps, scored 193 goals, but only contributed FIVE assists in his entire career.

Now, we’re aware that assist statistics are probably difficult to source from the Brazilian regional leagues and Japanese football in the pre-internet era.

But if that career assists tally is accurate, it begs so, so many questions.

Teddy Sheringham

Sheringham didn’t go to Manchester United until he was 30, and he continued to play at the top level of English football (apart from one prolific year in the Championship with West Ham) for another ten years without ever really going off the boil.

Sheringham briefly became a poker player when his football career came to an end. That just makes sense to us, somehow—Teddy Sheringham playing professional poker.

Joaquin

O Captain, my captain. Playing as a winger at the highest levels of professional football, at 41 years of age should be illegal. It’s a joke.

Giggsy dropped into the centre when he began to slow down, and he did yoga 27 times a day. Joaquin was one of the very, very few whose level never seemed to drop throughout his career. Some boy.

Fabio Quagliarella

Capocannoniere at the age of 36. No further questions, your honour.

Gianfranco Zola

Zola blossomed as Diego Maradona’s understudy and successor at Napoli.

Four years in Southern Italy, three years in that legendary Parma side of the mid-90s, and then, at the age of 30, Chelsea.

Zola became a hero during his seven years at Chelsea and is still considered by many to be one of the Blues’ best-ever players despite the subsequent riches and trophies and superstar signings.

At 5’6″ and in his mid-30s, Zola had defenders a foot taller and a decade younger than him tripping over themselves, quaking at the sight of him dribbling towards him, technique unfettered by the gargantuan shinpads that must have weighed almost as much as the man himself.

Francesco Totti

The Eighth King of Rome’s late-career renaissance as a false nine made us feel again. No pace—that was long gone—but enough technique to feed the five-thousand.

Anyone who’s seen those recent videos of Totti playing five-a-side knows he’s still got it, as well. God, he’s still got it.

Xabi Alonso

Real Sociedad > Eibar > Liverpool > Real Madrid > Bayern Munich

Alonso’s trajectory is probably still rising. He’s probably better at football now than he was when he retired.

The only thing about Xabi Alonso that faded was the ball at the end of those aesthetically perfect backspinny passes. And that was entirely intentional.

He’s now probably Europe’s most in-demand manager and set to casually brush Bayern off their Bundesliga plinth. A football god bound in flesh and bones.