Keys and Gray Unhinged: 10 most ridiculous quotes (‘If Donald Trump…’) from their podcast return

Richard Keys and Andy Gray are back.

After 13 years out in the Middle East with Qatari broadcaster beIN Sports, they’re home on British soil and back to doing what they do best: chatting absolute waffle.

Few UK broadcasters are quite as fond of the sound of their own voice as Keys. So, after months of teasing what was coming next on social media, it was inevitable that he’d move into the world of podcasting.

Here we are, then. Episode one of ‘Keys and Gray Unleashed’ recorded riverside by Tower Bridge, for some reason.

We’ve listened to the first episode – twice! – so you don’t have to, compiling 10 of the most unhinged quotes for your reading pleasure. Dominated, of course, by the main man. Liquid Keysy.

10) Keys: “I’ve only got about four group chats on my phone. One of them is ‘Four Smug Men.'”

9) Keys: “I’ve always said that England will win nothing with that clown in goal.”

8) Keys: “We destroyed Jimmy Greaves’ career.”

7) Gray: “I think it’s one of the worst World Cup finals we have ever seen… When you remember the cup final we gave from Qatar four years ago… Which was mindblowing.”

6) Keys: “Get used to it [hydration breaks]. Sorry, we’re going to have…let’s go to Coventry in December when you’re playing whoever, right? Let’s go to Coventry. It’s pissing down in Coventry, because it does a lot, and you’re having a hydration break after 22 and a half minutes.”

5) Keys: “I won’t be watching football on the weekends. That’s my time now.”

4) Keys: “You and I are not in a position to complain about change within football too much. Not the sale of football, but change within football. We created change in football.”

3) Keys: “I’ve always said about Blatter, there was an admirable honesty about his dishonesty. I liked Sepp. There’s a really good story we’ll tell about the awarding of Qatar.”

2) Keys: “I’m often asked by people, ‘You don’t have a great deal of time for the Redknapps, do you?’ and the answer is no. I can’t tell you why now, but I can offer you… Harry tried to have us put us in jail. Was there malice? I don’t think there was malice. I think there was a lack of care. A lack of thought that could have, quite genuinely, ended up with you and I in jail. And he didn’t give a toss. He’s as selfish as his son, who I spent 18 months driving around the country. I do hold that grudge. But it was an extraordinary scenario.”

1) Keys: “If Donald Trump had perhaps spoken to you or me in advance of his catastrophic, illegal war, then maybe he’d have thought twice.”